Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
