She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize