Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
