Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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