Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
