Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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