So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
did you just send me my own nude
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
