So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
