Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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