why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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