It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
