Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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