just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
