did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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