i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
