She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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