I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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