Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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