took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
how drunk are you?
Several
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
