You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
