And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
