the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
