if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
