He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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