I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My ass is underappreciated
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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