hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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