Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
