Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize