She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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