I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
