that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I need to stop coming to work sober
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
