There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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