I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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