There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
you never un-have a 4some
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
