Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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