people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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