My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
