Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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