she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
