im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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