Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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