hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
