I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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