I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
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