There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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