Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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