I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
