So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
