great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
