high people should be assigned attendants
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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