You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
