Girls should come with a carfax report
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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