I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She swung at the pinata with crutches
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
