How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
