oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
