after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
