Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
