At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
