I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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