at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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