she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
