I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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