You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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