The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
