Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
