his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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