Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
