it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
