she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
