what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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