He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
