Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
