So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
