Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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