He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
