Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
