It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
