That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
