I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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