I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
