dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
