Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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