I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
