You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize