do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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