It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
