The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
