thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
