Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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