Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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