Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
