They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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