when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
