How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
