Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
