I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
