I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
