i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize