No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
