I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
