Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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