I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There's always time for handjobs
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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